


Crumpet on the Captain's Table

by Atropos_lee



Series: Shipboard Sports [1]
Category: Hornblower (TV), Hornblower - C. S. Forester
Genre: Humor, Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-04 23:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/716457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atropos_lee/pseuds/Atropos_lee





	Crumpet on the Captain's Table

The Indy was beating its way along the Breton coast towards its accustomed patrol in the Bay of Biscay. After 2 weeks in the careening yards at Plymouth, close-hauled, and with its copper newly scraped, she slid through the waves with a will, meeting the oncoming billows with an impatient leap that gladdened the hearts of every man aboard but one. Horatio Hornblower was, of course, seasick again.

Two weeks in dock, prize-money in sight, fresh water in the hold, and every spare cranny stuffed with those little delicacies which make a man's life at sea a little more bearable. Clotted cream, coffee, fresh eggs, jam, tea - all would be eked out over the next few months, postponing the dreadful morning when only salt pork and oatmeal remained. Only Horatio could not bring himself to rejoice at the prospect of a fine dinner.

He was standing on the quarterdeck, wind in his face, legs braced on the plunging deck, and listening to the snatches of conversation about him, all evincing lively appetites. If he didn't get a grip shortly, he would lose his breakfast over the side again. Which was not advisable in a head wind which was likely to throw breakfast straight back at him again. His barely stifled groans had already attracted the sympathetic attentions of Mr Kennedy, standing easily beside him.

Then he over-heard something that instantly banished his own queasiness. He distinctly heard Captain Pellew opine that the most capital treat on a brisk winter's day like this was to retire at dusk to enjoy hot, buttered crumpet in his cabin. Lt Bracegirdle concurred, smacking his lips, and offering the use of his own crock of fine fresh butter - but then doubted that it could be contrived at such short notice.

Now, there was a project to put his own stomach out of mind! To provide his beloved Captain with the dish of his dreams, as if by stroke of magic. Because if there was one thing that Horatio knew, it was how to put up a fine dish of golden crumpet. He had assisted Joan, the kitchen maid, in the process often enough as a lad, and was certain he could recreate the recipe on board, if he had a little help.

He turned to Kennedy, and was concerned to see that his rosy cheeks had paled, and his lips were a little drawn.

"Oh, Archie - are you feeling a little unwell!"

"No, no, dear chap - just a little pre-occupied...."

"Did you just hear what the Captain said - about longing for hot crumpet this evening?"

"I think I heard something of that sort, Horatio, but I'm not sure why it should excite you so very much."

"Wouldn't it be a capital idea to prevail upon the cook to bake some crumpet this very evening, and serve them up, all unannounced. Think how that would thrill, and soothe the troubles that must crowd upon any Captain's mind at the end of a long day. Will you help me to procure for him? We will have the entire watch to contrive a real treat together."

"Hmm - Horatio, I'm not sure that you should get involved in the affairs of the Captain's' Cabin. I'm sure your attentions would be very welcome, but your enthusiasms have been a little - misplaced, perhaps, in the past?"

"So you won't help me!"

"I think not - I may be busy myself this afternoon - and beside, shouldn't you rest until you have quite recovered your sea legs?"

"I am quite well enough, thank you," Horatio snapped, a little hurt by Archie's lack of enterprise. "Do not trouble yourself further. I will manage well enough on my own."

Archie sighed, and they passed the last half-hour of the watch in a somewhat strained silence. Yet, Horatio, still hoping that his friend would come around to his plan, was later surprised when Archie could not be found in the cockpit, or chains, or cross-trees, or any of the other haunts of the midshipman off-watch. Nor did anyone admit to having seen him, and Horatio was forced to conclude that Archie had found some other pastime for the afternoon.

Undaunted, Horatio hurried on his errand. The Cook was initially less enthusiastic, particularly as he had planned to spend the watch playing cards with the Carpenter and the Captain's Coxswain. It took the promise of a full week of spirit ration to buy his co-operation. 

Flour was easy to obtain, the eggs came from Horatio's own private store, and Seaman Styles was prevailed upon to milk the officers' goat. The question of yeast had him stumped momentarily, until Cook reminded him that the newly loaded beer was still in ferment, and that they could contrive a good leaven from the sediment of the cask broached that very morning. It would just take a little longer to rise to the occasion.

In no time at all the batter was resting in a kit carefully wedged on top of the galley stove. Horatio similarly wedged himself among sacks of peas and rice, and passed the time with a copy of Clarke's "Complete Handbook of Seamanship". The Cook was finally able to convene his game, and the all the time the crumpet wriggled, frothed and rose to perfection under the cloth.

At last, the climacteric moment arrived. The pan was greased, and each spoonful of batter carefully slid onto the hot iron, gently cooked up, and thickly buttered before being piled on a large hot plate. A fine toasty scent filled the galley. Then Horatio was flying the length of the ship, covered dish in hand, towards the Captain's door.

Before he could knock, he was astonished to see the door open, and Archie emerge, terribly flushed, and with his stock all awry. He stopped at once, full of concern for his messmate. It must have been a most terrible dressing-down to leave Archie in such a state, and he could not for the life of him imagine what offence would have led to him deserving such treatment.

"Oh, Archie! What have you done this time?"

If it were possible for Archie to blush further, he achieved it at that moment. He had to cleared his throat several time before he could reply.

"It's quite alright, Horatio, I haven't suffered at all at our captain's hand this time - quite the contrary if anything. He just wanted to congratulate me on my - ah - recent efforts on his behalf." His eyes fell on the plate, now oozing golden grease over Horatio's hand. "Good Lord, what the hell is that?"

Horatio whipped off the cloth with a proud flourish.

"Crumpets for the Captain, Archie!"

"Well done! - I had quite forgotten your plans to become a pasty cook for the afternoon. Alas - I think you may have mistimed your arrival. The Captain has - eaten - and is now sleeping."

"Are you sure," Horatio asked plaintively, and more than a little puzzled.

"Oh yes. He is quite replete. I distinctly heard him say that he hadn't been so well filled in many weeks."

Horatio pouted with disappointment, which Archie found strangely arousing. 

"I, on the other hand, am quite, quite ravenous, and those buns of yours are an appealing sight. Let's repair immediately to the gun room to stuff our own faces with your fine offering."

"But, Archie - I've wasted all this butter!"

Archie slung an arm around Horatio's shoulder, and started to lead him aft.

"Oh, I'm sure we can find a use for any excess...."


End file.
